| Who are the Victims? |
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Are you in an abusive relationship? |
| You have a right... | ||
| Helpful things you can say | ||
| You can help | ||
| Break the Silence - Editorial | ||
Domestic ViolenceWho are the Victims?Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence: Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, rich, poor, old, young, men and women. The majority of victims are women. Children living in a home where a loved one is abused are also more likely to receive mistreatment or neglect by the abuser. Children who witness abuse are victims as well. Who are the Abusers?Anyone can be an abuser. Abusers may appear to be good providers, loving partners and law-abiding citizens; but their abusive behavior toward their victims can lead to severe injury and even to murder. Although both men and women can be abusers, approximately 97% of all abusers are men. The person who uses any form of violence to control or manipulate a partner often has low self-esteem, may refuse to accept responsibility for the violence, and may believe the violence is justified. Often the abuser will attempt to rationalize or excuse the behavior or blame the victim for causing it. There is no excuse for this violent behavior. Violence is against the law. What is Domestic Violence?Domestic violence is abuse that happens between members of the same family or persons involved in a close relationship: husband/wife; boyfriend/girlfriend; parent/child; same sex couple; adult child/elderly parent. The majority of the victims are women. We have listed below the four types of violence:
Predictors of Domestic ViolenceIn our 18 years of providing services to victims of domestic violence, we have found that most batterers are not violent in the early stages of a relationship. It often begins after a victim is already emotionally involved. Many women ask us if there are any warning signs that might identify a potential batterer. If you are in a relationship, the following are considered possible predictors of domestic violence. Jealousy: An abuser says jealousy is a sign of love. It is a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. He/she may not be just jealous of you, but also of your relationships with your girlfriends. He may want you with him all the time, even when it's inconvenient. Controlling Behavior: The may try to lay down the law on what you can and cannot do. He/she monopolizes your time, who you talk to or may not allow you to make decisions about your clothes,finances, home, etc. Violent Behavior: If an abuser gets into fights at parties, on the street, or in bars it is highly probable that he will carry that behavior home with him. Verbal Abuse: Saying things or calling you names that are meant to be cruel and hurtful. Degrading and putting you down will lower your self-esteem and self-confidence. Quick Involvement: An abuser will pressure you into a committed relationship early on. Many victims dated or knew their abusers less than six months before getting married or moving in together. Mood Swings: One minute he/she is nice and the next he's/she's exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners. Isolation: You no longer keep in contact with your friends, parents, or neighbors. Criticizes and does not like any of them. You don't say hello to people for fear that your partner will get jealous and angry. Blaming: An abuser will blame others for his/her problems, especially the partner. He/she may shift responsibility for his violence onto others, taking refuge in excuses like "If you shaped up, I wouldn't have to knock you around." Breaking or Striking Objects: This behavior is used as a punishment or to terrorize into submission. Unrealistic Expectations: Abusers can be overly critical. They may expect their partners to meet all their needs. He/she expects you to be the perfect spouse, lover, and friend. Hypersensitivity: An abuser is easily insulted or hurt, and takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. Frustration and Anger: An abuser may have trouble handling their frustration and anger. Family History: Abusers often have been raised in abusive surroundings. They may have seen their mother beaten or have been abused themselves. They have grown up believing that violence is "normal behavior." Past Battering: Abusers may have hit lovers in the past and may excuse themselves by saying "he/she made me do it". Attitude Toward Women: An abuser may have strong traditional ideas about what a man should be and what a woman should be. He may think that a woman should stay at home, take care of her husband and follow his wishes and orders. Economic Control: An abuser may refuse to allow you to work or have access to bank accounts and financial information. Cruelty To Animals Or Children: This person punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering; he/she may expect children to be capable of doing things beyond their ability. Alcohol Or Drug Abuse: Such problems don't cause battering, but they invariably make it worse. Don't think you can change your partner. A chemical dependence is bigger than both of you. Threats Of Violence: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the partner, including the threat of suicide. Facts About Domestic ViolenceFBI statistics indicate that every 12 seconds a woman is beaten by her husband, boyfriend, or lover. Battering happens to women of every culture, age, color, nationality and educational socio-economic level.
Are you in an abusive relationship?Yes, if your spouse, ex-spouse, lover, dating partner or anyone has done one or more of the following:
You have a right...
Helpful things you can say to a friend you suspect is abused.
You can helpIf you know a woman who is being battered, you can do the following:
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Help us put an end to domestic violence now. There's NO excuse for domestic violence! |